Okay, so that's Homer Simpson, whose love for donuts is something I can get behind. I love donuts! I love donuts so much that I even wrote an entire MySpace blog about them, about their creation in Dutch Europe, their rise in American popularity after World War I, about the gay bashing white supremacist who sells them in Joplin, MO, and how despite his shortcomings as a human being somehow manages to make some of the best donuts I’ve ever had. I love donuts of all shapes and sizes. Sure, there are some I’m not crazy about – glazed, jellies, Danishes – but I never thought I’d encounter one that I just really hated. That all changed yesterday.
Here’s the culprit…the old fashioned cake.
I’d never tried this donut before. I’d always seen it in the case, but there was always some other donut I wanted more. It always looked good though, poised in the case, the light shining off the glaze. It was the glaze that actually intrigued me most. I was never really crazy about glazed donuts, but that’s because they use a different, yeastier, kind of dough to make them. That yeasty taste, and non cakey consistency and texture, is what I’ve never been crazy about. I prefer a donut that has a cakeier foundation to it. In fact, my favorite donut is a warm plain cake.
I thought our friend, the old fashioned cake, would be a glazed version of my favorite donut, and this idea intrigued me. Finally, yesterday I got around to trying one.
I went to this newish donut place on Main Street (I’ve decided not to patronize the Nazi donut man anymore even if his evil produces some pretty fantastic donuts). It was late in the morning, so most of the good stuff was gone. They were out of plain cake and the cake donuts with the granulated sugar on them (which I also love). I had to buy two so the purchase would be over a dollar and I could use my card. I opted for a blueberry cake and, because I’d never tried one, an old fashioned cake donut. I ate the blueberry one first. It was good, and really hit the spot with my hot cup of coffee. I decided not to eat the other one until afternoon, as I didn’t want to spoil my appetite. That afternoon, I warmed the donut up (you have to eat donuts warm) and decided to indulge in an afternoon coffee. I took my first bite. I was shocked…then repulsed.
"D'oh!" indeed, Homer. There were two problems with this donut – the texture and the sweetness level. A good cake donut should resemble cake…not be cake. It should have a semi sweet taste, like a cake batter, but there should be a bready element to it. This is to say it should be much denser and drier than actual cake (which is moist, airy, and fluffy). This donut lacked the bready element. It was like biting into a fried piece of white cake. Don’t get me wrong, I like white cake…at birthday parties or for desert…when you have a cup of punch in your hand and a silly hat on your head. I don’t like white cake for breakfast with my coffee. Sweetness was the other problem. I’m of a European mindset when it comes to my breakfast breads and pastries. I like savory or semi sweetness. I don’t like to be firebombed by thick sweetness, especially in the morning. Coffee is naturally bitter, and eating something that has a strong sweetness does not compliment the bitterness of the coffee…it amplifies it. That’s why I can’t eat fruit or cookies with coffee. A semi sweet pastries works with the bitterness of the coffee. The two flavors do a dance on your tongue that makes for a delightful breakfast experience. When I bit into that donut yesterday, it was immediately sweet on my tongue. I could tell the batter itself was sweet. The glaze just made it overkill. I got two bites in and had to stop. I threw the donut away and decided then and there never to eat one again. I never thought I’d ever see the day I found a donut that repulsed me.
I’m going to close this blog with a list of breakfast breads and pastries I enjoy with a cup of coffee. Happy Morning, People!
01. Donut – I prefer a warm plain cake
02. Croissant – Warm with butter only please.
03. Blueberry Muffin – Warm, fresh tart berries, butter only
04. English Muffin – Toasted with a thin coat of black raspberry jelly
05. Bagel – Strawberry or honey nut cream cheese